Mud
by Larme
Summary: Padme and Anakin have breakfast in the Lake Country, and Padme questions why she can't hold it together when Ani is around. Read n review!


Disclaimer: George Lucas owns everything Star Wars. And seriously, he can keep Jar-Jar.

Mud. That's what her brain felt like. She could hold it together in front of Governors, Senators, and the Chancellor of the galaxy, but the moment he walked into a room her skull might as well have been full of mud. He walked towards her, his eyes searing through hers. He began to speak, but she couldn't focus on anything besides his eyes. Suddenly she realized her own ridiculousness. "What?" she said. Anakin smiled earnestly at her and repeated, "Did you sleep well?" She shook her head to snap herself out of her apparent trance and awkwardly spit out a "Fine." Anakin sat down at the table, readying himself for breakfast, however Padme was quite oblivious, completely absorbed in her own thoughts.

She lazily walked around the room, absently looking around at everything but Anakin. How does he do that?! She thought to herself. How can anyone do that?! I mean his eyes don't look at you, they _sear _through you. Who's eyes sear?! Well, his obviously. But still, it's astonishing. Perhaps it's because he's a Jedi. No, no, I've met many Jedi Masters, and they've never particularly seared. Well, and it's not just his eyes. When he smiles, it's like, like he really means it. Like when a baby smiles, how they always smile when they genuinely like something, not just because they have to or because it's expected of them. Well, don't be an idiot Padme, you don't get all wonky inside when a baby smiles at you. But then, there's that way he talks. Like when he says something he really means it, means it in his soul. Maybe it's his conviction. Conviction? No, that can't be it, plenty of people have convictions and they don't have the effect on you that he has. But he's tall. Well, no, he's not really _tall _per se, not abnormally tall or anything. But there's just something about it. He's imposing. No, imposing isn't the right word. Strapping? Yes, strapping. But not obnoxiously strapping, like he's trying to be impressive or anything. He just, walks well. Or something.

Slowly something started gnawing at Padmes mind, bringing her back to reality. What is that? She thought. It was a noise. He was talking again. She stopped short and looked over at him. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?" Padme said. Anakin's face opened up into a broad smile and he laughed for a moment. "I said, are you always so pensive at this time of day?" Oh no, she thought, you're getting muddy again. "Yes." She blurted out. She again realized how ridiculous she must seem and reflexively rolled her eyes at herself. She pulled out a chair across from Anakin and sat down. She immediately immersed herself back into thoughts of Anakin, for now it was more important to her to get to the bottom of her bizarre behavior than to save face. Anakin was not at all displeased with this, not only because he could sense that her thoughts lulled on him, but because he was awarded the opportunity to study her exquisite face, a pastime that had become increasingly appealing to him as time went on. Dorme walked in with their breakfast in hand, but neither Padme nor Anakin noticed her appearance. She placed their plates in front of them, and while Anakin offered up a polite but disinterested "Thank you", Padme hardly even noticed. Anakin started sluggishly eating his breakfast, never once breaking his gaze from Padme, while Padme merely picked up her fork and began moving her food about her plate.

Honestly, I don't know what's wrong with me! Padme scolded herself internally. One minute I'm this perfectly normal person, the next I'm about as talkative as a deactivated protocol droid! And all because of Anakin! I mean come on Padme, _it's Ani_. Little Ani! The sweet young boy from Tatooine, whom at one point you were actually capable of acting normally in front of. _He's not a little boy anymore,_ she unintentionally thought. God, what is wrong with me! She paused for a moment. Well, I guess it's not really that bad, she reasoned to herself. I mean, he's tall, handsome, kind, intelligent, and sincere. Why wouldn't you find him attractive?! I'd think it would be more abnormal to not find him attractive. And he encourages it! She thought accusingly. I expect too much of myself. And that way he smiles, and the way he walks! How can I resist him when he walks like that! I'm only human for gods' sake! Any woman, no matter how strong, could not resist him when he's walking around being all tall and smiley and searing. She paused and took a deep breath, one that did not go unnoticed by Anakin. _You're treading on dangerous ground, Padme._ She looked up at him, and they stared into each others eyes, silently and unblinkingly. He's a Jedi, she thought, still intensely staring at Anakin. He's a Jedi and you're a Senator. You're wishing for something that can never be, _no matter how he makes you feel, _she thought sadly. He's not the only man in the galaxy, she thought, in a vain attempt to give herself some kind of hope. But, what if he's the only man for you in the galaxy? What are you going to do then? She broke her gaze with Anakin and looked down at her now-lukewarm food.

Anakin could sense that her mood had changed from sweetly confused to sad, and knew that her thoughts must be the same thoughts he was having now, that however they felt about each other, what they wanted could never really be. No! he thought harshly. Since when do you cede control of your own life to anything or anyone else. I just have to find a way to make her see, see that we can find a way to be together. He brought himself back into reality, briefly examining her flawless face for one last moment. "You know, that food sure is pretty, but I don't think Dorme fixed it for you to look at." He said, beaming at her. She looked up at Anakin from her broken reverie and couldn't help but smile. She looked back down at the table, sighed, and couldn't help but think, God, how does he do that?!


End file.
